2012

Every new years I always feel this sense of "oh god. Not another one." It's one of those gut reactions - coming about because I generally feel as though I just barely clung to or hung on to the previous year. Ah, I was never too great at good-byes anyways.

I have a few hopes this year however instead of resolutions. I hope I exercise more. Eat well. Think about the last shot, and come home before dawn more often. I hope I discover more restaurants, and get to share them with the funny people I call "pals." I hope I whine less, listen more. Make time to read, and paint whenever I can. I hope I get lost less, but wander more often. I hope next year filled with art, adventure, heartbreak, hilarity, surreal experiences, and opportunity.

And of course, I hope I get to share all these fuzzy, embarrassing, laugh out loud stories with these girls. I'm not sure it's physically possible to gchat more often, but I'll try my damndest. Hey now 2012, let's dance you and I.

So you're smart, who cares?

There are a lot of smart people in the world...and to be honest...many of them don't even have a fancy college degree. (And they'd probably beat you in a fight).

Lately I've been plagued with a sense of inadequacy. Not intellectual inadequacy. I'm talking about HUMAN inadequacy. The kind of knowledge and experience you can never gain from reading a book or a paper. The kind that comes from interacting with others. In my opinion...the kind that actually matters when it's all said and done.

I feel almost detached from life and I need to get my fingers back on humanity's wrist - connected to its pulse.

But this is not what I'm supposed to want right now. I didn't spend 4 years selling my soul at a prestigious university so I could be a regular Joe right? I'm supposed to relish in the artificial glow of my "success" and make something of myself. I'm supposed to read all of the right newspapers and follow all of the right intellectual trends. I'm supposed to annunciate everything a certain way and use words that make my educated peers feel at ease.

I don't mean to disparage learning, hell...I'm planning to learn until I'm 30 and then help others learn. I just can't help but feel as though many people are using education towards a confused goal. The goal of higher education should not be to produce pretentious pedants. In the end, pedantry is frivolous and self-serving. What good is your mind if you keep it to yourself? If it is not applied towards developing yourself and serving others? I'm beginning to feel that a selfish mind is a wasted mind.

Maybe I'm just tired, or my bun is tied a bit too tightly...but this is what has been on my mind lately. Why are intelligent people so afraid of being seen as human beings?

Thus begins my journey towards getting back in touch with my humanity. We'll see how it goes.